I’ve been dealing with a lot of anger lately. Anger at situations, anger at fate, anger at paths I’ve chosen, anger at decisions I’ve made, anger at decisions others have made which have affected me… I’m dealing with this anger, though. Still, sometimes I let it win. Most times I let it win. Although, a couple of times I’ve taken the victory (baby steps, remember?).
But there comes a point when the same situation arises over and over, and after the first 157 times when you feel like you’ve been run over by a dump truck, it starts to hurt a little less. You start to sustain less injuries and scratches from the road. You begin to develop a tougher skin as we say, which eventually evolves into a shielded heart. You’re tired of being hurt, being angry, feeling resentful. You know it’s coming, so why let it scratch your spirit?
I started feeling a bit tougher a couple weeks ago, and it seems that every day I get an extra dose of it: an extra inch of amor. It’s not a lot, but I’m beginning to feel a little more protected, a little less bothered…and a little numb.
That doesn’t even look like a real word to me. And it isn’t like me to feel that way.
With the coat of armor I’m developing, I feel like I can fight tougher battles. I believe God is giving me the strength I need to continue on. I feel more capable of pursing the adult life I always dreamt of as a child. I could do anything I wanted, so I was told. Then life hit me, knocked me down, ran me over…but now, I think I’m toughening up. I think I’m getting ready to take control of this adult life. It’ll be hard still, no doubt. But I’m becoming more prepared.
Friends, changes are happening in my life. Changes that I will initiate.
A wonderful mentor of mine said last night, “Anger happens for a reason; it’s a signal that we need to take action.” Time for me to stop being mad, and start taking action.
Be the change, right?