I created this blog to talk about truth, not fluff. I think Facebook can sometimes be a happy pill for me: I log in, see happy people and their beautiful pictures, read uplifting updates, and am convinced that several people live perfect lives. But this Young Mom is a place for me to be REAL – whether or not it’s happy or anything other than happy. You can’t have room for growth if everything seems perfect. And as a 24 year old, I DEFINITELY have room for growth. Hence, the subtitle of this place.
I’m saying all of this because I think I have painted a beautiful picture of my husband on here. Which is nice, and it lets him know how much I appreciate him when I forget to tell/show him in person, but it isn’t always like that. I piss him off, he pisses me off, kinda like now. We love each other to pieces, but we get pissed off at each other, too. It’s healthy. Just like everybody else, too. It happens. I felt compelled to write this and just say that it isn’t always “a bag of rainbows and lollipops” as William’s daycare director puts it. But it’s okay. It means you can grow. Or it just means that you’re sleep deprived and your husband is overworked and you’re just generally pissy for the day/week/month/year. That happens, too.
On a different note- reading and writing blogs, talking to God more, and looking at the big picture in my life has started to make a small change in me that I hope will soon be a big one. I’m considering people’s feelings more. I don’t always say what’s on my mind because I’m starting to realize that not everyone shares my sense of humor (too bad for them). I feel like I’m beginning to understand that while I may have strong emotions about a topic or event, other people may have that same degree of emotions, just on the other side of the situation/argument/debate/what have you.
For example, two nights ago I was driving with William to meet my mom, step dad (I’m just going to start bunching them together as my parents now – it’s best for William AND me anyway), and grandfather for dinner (after having locked my keys in my car). I was in a lane that I did not know was ending, and I needed to get over. No one would let me, so naturally I started getting over where I saw there was space (at about 5 mph, mind you). The woman in the SUV I got in front of was LIVID. She honked at me, and I yelled as if she could hear me, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know the lane was ending!” And we continued on. I then began to think that maybe she’d had a hard day, or she thought I was trying to cheat the system driving in the other lane to beat a bunch of cars, or maybe SHE was pissed at HER husband, and I realized that when we get inside these metal boxes with wheels, we can all of a sudden become extremely powerful and fearless. More real if you will. (Hopefully people aren’t really that mean inside, but it sure isn’t fake.) So I let go of the anger. Apparently she didn’t, because when I made the next right turn to leave her path, she hit the horn again to let me know she hadn’t changed her mind about me. Or, maybe she was honking an apology for the long honk earlier! Or, maybe she was saying hey to William in the backseat! Who knows, but I did not get angry all over again, which was a great step in progress for me.
Second example: I was leaving my apartment about an hour ago, pissed at Husband for changing the plan for tonight, and I saw a woman in the breezeway with two chairs and a ladder in front of her. Without even thinking about it, I asked, “Do you need some help?” She smiled a huge smile and said, “No thank you, I’ve got it!” It felt wonderful to get such a genuine smile from a stranger! And I did this nice gesture all by myself, without even telling myself it was the right thing to do! EVEN WHEN I WAS PISSED OFF!!! Holy cow. Progress.
Be aware of yourself. Everything we do effects one another, no matter how big or small. And know that it’s okay to feel your emotions, God gave us feelings for a reason. Just maybe try to see the big picture afterwards… you still love ’em, even if they make you mad. In fact, if they have the ability to make you mad, that probably means you love ’em even more.